GIORNALE DELLA MEZZANOTTE: PART UNO
We bring you another sleep-deprived documentation of the experience of following a bike race from the other side of the world, beginning with the battle of our friend Max, who took on a week of mostly sprint stages.
With almost a year to recover for the sleep-deprived July we put ourselves during last years Tour de France, we’re back for a second course – only this time we’ve head over the border to Italy…and then for some reason a little further east to Hungary, all in the name of chronicling the experience of watching, absorbing, succumbing to the trial and tribulations of one of the worlds weirdest, most beautiful sports. Professional cycling.
The Giro d’Italia brings a completely different vibe. It’s the cycling equivalent to New York vs LA, to a lesser extent Sydney vs Melbourne, to Ford vs Holden, and Pane vs Pain. Where Le Tour conjures up wholesome memories of our friend Gabriel Gaté shooting warmth directly into your heart through screen presence and “a knob of butter”, the Giro is an all out assault on the senses – flares, tinitus caused by 3000km of riding through a tunnel echoing with the sound of punters on the roadside screaming VAI, mountains high, valleys low and some bullshit-level coastline. As you would expect from anything Italian it is 3 weeks filled with romance, but most importantly in a sporting sense – it also brings unpredictability. Ryder Hesjedal has been a past winner after all.
Welcome to Part Uno of the Giornale della Mezzanotte, where we begin in the lounge room of our friend, Soup Bæs CX team mate, and professional cycling disciple Max Hardy who has the enviable assignment of covering this first week.
STAGE ONE – GIRO D'SPORTS WASH
Friday 06/05, 9:00pm ACST
BUDAPEST → VISEGRÁD
195KM (FLAT)
I am someone who highly values good quality sleep, and struggles to function properly without it. So naturally I was delighted at the opportunity to relay my experience of watching my favourite race of the year. Without The Pog or The Rog, this Giro has the potential to be quite the spectacle of our favourite tier 2 racers, and I'm here for it.
As the flag drops, the nervous tension and excitement immediately evaporates as the bunch freewheel en masse, with two Drone-Hoppers appearing to be the only riders who read the script for tonight's stage. Such theatrics are usually reserved for a flat stage in week three, but alas it's their Giro and they’ll ride if they want to.
The general consensus is that the Grande Partenza taking place in Hungary, is some Cat. 2 sports washing best. Trying to get some good press for your Anti-LGBT country by inviting a bicycle race that loves the colour pink doesn't feel particularly effective.
Much like poor old Caleb, I found that it was the right time to take a nap shortly before the Matt Pole crossed the finish line. Fantastic to see Matthieu in Pink, and out of that Baby Poel green jersey
STAGE TWO – ATTILA THE HUNK
Saturday 07/05, 9:30pm ACST
BUDAPEST → BUDAPEST
9.2KM (TIME TRIAL)
Who doesn't love a good time trial. I love the way that as the stage progresses, the best riders try to chase each other down, as the clock ticks down and the heart-rate goes up. Also, as the stage goes on, you get to see the same roads, potholes, and broken fingernails (see below), again and again, and take in the stage in all its glory.
In what I thought was a brief moment of inter-sport collaboration, it seemed like Eurosport had found a Hungarian MMA wrestler to commentate the day's proceedings. A unique insight.
It has become clear that Holly doesn’t share the same interest in time trials as I do.
A Giro all time GOAT, Mr Tommy D, aka the Flying Dutchman, Aka Tommy Dumoulin, Dumoulin, Tommy Dumoulin, is riding like it is 2017, and it's a delight to see him fly once again. Simoné Yates comes through to dampen the Dumoulin parade, but I'm quite content to see all my favourite little cyclists doing so well in their endeavours.
The stage comes to its grippy conclusion and in contrast to stage one, this TT has got me Giro’d up and now I must try to sleep.
STAGE THREE – THESE PRETZELS ARE MAKING ME HUNGRY
Sunday 08/05, 8:45pm ACST
KASPOSVÁR → BALATONFÜRED
201KM (FLAT)
The more things change, the more they stay the same - and in the case of state 3, it's looking like not much will change, and mostly it will remain the same. Another pantomime breakaway with the Pro Conti glory hunters. At least this time we've got one of the Eolo riders, who look so suave with their Rapha-esque white armbands. Any such understated class of their white and blue visage is countered well with the Burger King logo on their bibs. NGL i love it.
The Van der Poel-in-pink hype train is in full force, and for a few beautiful moments it felt like he had bought in too. but alas he is only a semi-god, and gives in to the big boy sprinters who take the finish.
Sweaty boys hugging, there is nothing else like it. Chefs kiss emoji
With that we say arrivederci to Hungary, and i can't wait to see how many Fiat 500s i see in the coming days.
STAGE FOUR – SKIDS FOR KIDS
Tuesday 10/05, 9:00pm ACST
AVOLA → ETNA-NICOLOSI (Rif. Sapienza)
172KM (MOUNTAINS)
Finally we have made it back to the motherland. A world of Fiats and Fettuccine. The first three stages in Hungary have only heightened my anticipation for the true start of the Giro on home soil, and what a stage to start. Lana and I are off on our own grand tour tomorrow, heading to Tasmania to see darling Andy who moved away to the separatist island state. Knowing that I need to wake up in the early hours is somewhat diminishing my resolve to stay up for the stage tonight, but knowing that our first GC challenge awaits, I must struggle on.
Certainly a MAL-adaptation to the days racing.
Vanderpoel attacking in pink, be still my heart. Biniam Girmay could and should get a superglue sponsorship, considering how well he attached himself to Vandy throughout the stages thus far.
From hype-train to heart-break, my unrealistic hopes and dreams of a Dumoulin redemption are now crushed. VanderPoel-In-Pink hype-train also looks to be coming unstuck, sad times.
This Lopez character is my guy though. Sure he didn't get the stage, but whipping out a high stakes skid into the final corner of the Mount Etna climb and still getting the Pink jersey? That's a big win in my books. This might not be the Lopez we wanted, but its the Lopez we needed.
STAGE FIVE – TASMANIAN GRANDE PARTENZA
Thursday 12/05, 8:30am AEST
CATANIA → MESSINA
174KM (FLAT)
I’m in Tasmania, and it's great. Bobby is great, thanks for asking.
To be completely honest, watching the bicycle racing has fallen quite far down the list of priorities. Given that tonight is a Sprinty-Climby-Sprinty boy stage, I haven’t got a lot of time for it.
“Hey guys, I need to take a wee. Will you wait for me?”
So cute. I have no interest in staying up for what I assume will be locked on sprint, even if some of the pure sprinters are dropped.
Nice to wake up to this one - Arnold with a little cheeky shaka for the boys who led him out. If i don't get my Tommy D redemption this giro, a Demare Redeux will have to do.
STAGE SIX – "INSERT RELEVANT TITLE HERE"
Friday 12/05, 9:00am AEST
PALMI → SCALEA (Riviera dei Cedri)
192KM (FLAT)
I am beginning to tire with the course design of this first week of the Giro. Too much flat, not enough punch. Surely a few hills in a stage like this could make for a more compelling viewing stage. Or perhaps I'm not enough of a purist? Probably.
Anyway, the usual giro malarky gets underway, and I completely forget to catch the stage. It's basically a repeat of yesterday though, so my motivation is low.
STAGE SEVEN – YOU CAN BRING A VAN DER POEL TO WATER, BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE IT WIN
Friday 13/05, 9:15pm AEST
DIAMANTE → POTENZA
196KM (INTERMEDIATE)
At least half of the stages in this edition of the Giro feel like they were concocted purely with Van der Poel winning in mind - Perhaps this was part of his start contract from Mauro Vegni. This is just the type of conspiratorial thinking that my mind descends to when left to my own devices, in the long dark tea time of the soul that is a grand tour.
While Vandy must have gotten lost in the fog and missed the break, my little sweetheart Tommy D has made the break and things are looking up. Sean Kelly saying “glass cranking” gives me a little giggle, and all is well with the world.
As per usual, Tom is playing with my heart. Getting dropped, coming back, getting dropped, and coming back again. He is playing hard to get with this stage win, (which is an unusual tactic in a bicycle race), but one that evidently he is confident in. Now usually I wouldn't be behind the team with the numbers in the break, but Tom will forever hold a special place in my heart. Formolo and Mollema are making a hell of an effort here, and you have to applaud it. Congratulations to Tom and to his pal Koen - Take a Bouw, man.
I'm starting to feel the effects of burning the candle at both ends here - Drinking from 12pm and watching bicycles until 12am is quite the holiday!
STAGE EIGHT – "WE HAVE VANDERPOEL AT HOME"
Saturday 14/05, 10:00am AEST
NAPOLI → NAPOLI (Procida Capitale Italiana della Cultura)
153KM (INTERMEDIATE)
VANDERPOEL AT HOME – THOMAS DE GENDT
“Ooh la la la la la” - just some of the expert commentary I’ve come to love from Adam Blythe. Vandy getting after it, don't we just love to see it.
Girmay bridging across to the break, and making it look (st)easy
I awake to the fluorescent pink sunrise shining brightly through the eastern facing window of our Airbnb in Sandy, overlooking the Hobart Bay. I slept like a baby, after an evening of Negronis, followed by some great Mystery wines at the oh so cool wine bar Sonny, run by an ex-Adelaidian Mark Kamhleh is name dropped a few times of course.
I open the bicycle race streaming app of choice, watch the last 5km, and am delighted to see that the VanderPoel from before we had a VanderPoel has taken the stage. He is from a time before it was a requirement to hug everyone after the stage, or to collapse on the ground immediately after the finish line, so a small shake of the fist is all we get. I have come to live vicariously through super emotional victory celebrations, so I am slightly taken aback with just a wry smile from Mr De Gendt. I tear up slightly, but maybe it's just the hangover.
STAGE EIGHT – COCK-BLOCKHAUS
Saturday 14/05, 9:15pm AEST
ISERNIA → BLOCKHAUS
191KM (MOUNTAINS)
This afternoon we spent drinking gin at a whisky bar, as the first of the inclement weather Hobart had given us came rolling across the hills. No such weather in Giro land however. Our last night in Hobart before our holidays comes to an end, and the Giro’s last big day before their first true rest day.
I'm a total shill, I admit. I watch grand tours for the GC action. Sue me. All these stages of heroic sprints and breaks are great, but I want to see my favourite sporting characters play out their own psychodrama on a 10% gradient for my pleasure.
The Breakaway is going to increasingly desperate lengths to ensure that they get their TV time for the sponsors. The attempt by Tesfazion to do just this is a unique example of such lengths. Unfortunately it seems to have backfired as i can see his jersey anywhere at all. (he is ok)
I have no fucking clue what this is, and i want to keep it that way.
Now this, this is what I am here for. Not a Pog or Rog in sight, just living in the moment, I wish we could go back. Simon is dropped (poor bloke), Tommy D, gone.
ROMAN BARDET climbing out of his skin, it's the time machine Giro after all! While I miss his brown bibs, being liberated of the AG2R hopes of an entire nation has lifted the weight off from his shoulders and he flys up the climbs once again. Even Jai is turning back the clock of Giri past, and is holding on like an absolute mad’lad.
The impetus is coming out of the attack, Pozzo gives it a nudge, Hindley takes it home. It's a glorious GC punchup, and I leave this first stretch of the Giro a content cycling connoisseur.
Fiat 500’s spotted - too many to count.
And that concludes part uno of our sleep-deprived Giro d’Italia watching experience. We’d love to thank Max who slugged it out with the first week of flatness, riding the waves across 2 states AND timezones. We’ll have part due lined up for you next week as the race heads further north.
Ciao!