JOURNAL DE NUIT: PART TROIS
Aaron brings us home to Paris via the Pyrénées, Bordeaux and a number of twists and turns in the race classification.
SECTIONS
STAGE FIFTEEN
STAGE SIXTEEN
STAGE SEVENTEEN
STAGE EIGHTEEN
STAGE NINETEEN
STAGE TWENTY
STAGE TWENTY ONE
To catch up on stages 1-7 of the Tour de France as told via Journal de Nuit, click here.
And for stages 8-14 click here.
I have never followed a tour for three weeks straight and to deliver a complete experience in the final week, I’ve gone all in in the run up with my Week 1 and 2 compatriots. Quoting the missus, “I am looking forward to have my husband back at the end of the tour” to which I promptly reminded her Olympics up next and Vuelta in August. Open communication is key in every relationship – take note.
STAGE FIFTEEN
Sunday 11/07, 9:00pm AEST
CÉRET → ANDORRE-LA-VIEILLE
191.3KM (MOUNTAINS)
50km in, it wasn’t the race that captured my attention but the usual interviewing voice of Tomo during the interlude from commentary team that haunts me from a whole day of proper grandfather roasting at Wagga.
On a slight tangent from the definite 32 man break-winning group, after all the sludge Chris Froome copped for being the best in the last decade, he is surely due some respect for trying to finish a tour despite a crash-marred opening week. Having Quadlock on the sponsorship train to his channel, I expected no less from him doing them a solid by at least sporting the stem mount solution to truly echo his insta sentiments – could have been a perfect opportunity for that TdF limited ed quadlock.
If Van der Poel in yellow and Van Aert contesting for the KOM jersey doesn’t convince me Noah needs to be off-road before jumping on-road, nothing would.
As the air thins with the ascend to the highest point of this year’s TdF – Port d’Envalira (2,408m), my yawns were increasingly rapid and the battle for oxygen is just as real at 49m above sea level in Moonee Ponds, VIC Australia. But one person who is likely unbothered by any altitude sickness and having his hands full making a SRAM hate list all the way from 2019 Giro – Bauke Mollema. Sir, if you need somewhere to offload those career hindrances, please DM.
STAGE SIXTEEN
Tuesday 13/07, 9:10pm AEST
PAS DE LA CASE → SAINT-GAUDENS
169KM (HILLY)
Returning FREEEEESSSSSH and before we get things GOIN’, will the real yellow jersey please stand up? Yes, you Lachlan Morton. Chapeau, raised my glass, tipped my hat, heck you may have my unwashed chamois. 5 days ahead of the peloton – you have redefined the biggest bicycle race in the world. UCI can EAT SHIT.
Back to Tdf.
Clearly there’s no other but Pogacar to lay blame on – the number of times the KOM jersey changed hands have officially exceeded the dump I’ve taken all week. So hotly contested that to the untrained eyes, one would think the bog rolls are back in stock with limits lifted.
My take on that last surge from Van Aert? He needed to take a shit. Real bad. War drums thumping on the battlefront and battering rams rushing at the contractions of his sphincter muscles. See him rolling easy in the last 220m? He knew he wasn’t the victor today. Black bibs FTW. Trust me – I’ve been there, done that and it wasn’t a happy ending either. I guess we do share something in common after all.
Konrad snatched that discounted Coles’ late-night roast chook but Sonny Colbrelli climbing with pure climbers won me over tonight. I am a convert.
STAGE SEVENTEEN
Wednesday 14/07, 8:30pm AEST
MURET → SAINT-LARY-SOULAN COL DU PORTET
178.4KM (MOUNTAINS)
La Fête Nationale.
A mountain uphill finito calls for 8” of Tarte au Chocolat.
For the yung and uninitiated, it wasn’t that distant in history when lanky Froomey sliced the Peyresourde descent with his infamous pedalling supertuck, adopted by many after and spurred the current UCI ban. Peyresourde was never revered upon the same again.
Admittedly, my enthusiasm dulled when the gap stretched over 8’30” but reignited as the gradient kicked. As heartbreaking as it can be, a healthy dose of stage winning GC battle makes for an exhilarating tour.
A beautiful season thus far for Bahrain Victorious, DS was lit with unanticipated hope misguided with the prospect to pop more champagne when Peio Bilbao put in a cute little surge only to realise he was just trying to send a message to whoever responsible with his Olympic (-less) rage.
I’ve been giving Pogacar the sticks but in the same vein thanks to him, tonight’s stage has been salvaged by his onslaught up Col de Portet that SBS / ASO should reconsider the viewing rating. Those attacks were so violent and brutal, I struggle to view this sport as family/child friendly anymore – warrants at least a PG-15. Am I being generous?
My hero for the night though, fishmonger Vingegaard showing the world his days in the fish market were not to waste, masterfully gutting Carapaz’s bluff inside out to take a further 1” lead.
Ah the gift of youth.
STAGE EIGHTEEN
Thursday 15/07, 9:00pm AEST
PAU → LUZ ARDIDEN
129.7KM (MOUNTAINS)
It is common knowledge and agreement that French is the most sensual language in the world. But Quentin Pacher /kwon-torn pah-shay/ took the cake for sexiest name in the peloton this year. That however does not grant him immunity from a mini run in with Sergio Henao early on in the stage, leaving Henao with a ‘pizza slice’ memorabilia. That’s a $400 AUD Assos Equipe RS Summer Bib Shorts S9 – Werksteam made even more breathable than ever. RIP rip.
Rather than boring everyone with the gallant GC stage honor battles, two take-homes for you to ponder:
Does being called an Acid now fan the inner chakra as much as ‘Allez Allez’?
And, who is Gina?
STAGE NINETEEN
Friday 16/07, 8:45pm AEST
MOURENX → LIBOURNE
207KM (FLAT)
We wouldn’t usually call the tour this early especially with an ITT remaining because there aren’t many certainties in life – yellow Pog in Paris is definitely one of them.
When UCI released the stage 19 route, they knew fully it wasn’t the distance or possibility of cross winds that’s going to entertain us. It was this hay fever section trump card up their sleeves all along – a thorough test of genetics for the hardest men.
If allez-opi-omi lady had the right idea, she would have taken a leaflet from these kids for maximum screen time while doing her entire family proud plus loved by the world. Benno approved?
I gotta admit – I am probably as sucker-punched as everyone else when the win came from the breakaway. My heart goes out to all who saved Cav for this moment in the tipping comp. Watch him launch on the Champs. It might look controversial when Mohoric gestured ‘Zip the lips’, but he had this tune on replay all day in his head. Give the man a break.
STAGE TWENTY
Saturday 17/07, 10:15pm AEST
LIBOURNE → SAINT-EMILION
30.8KM (TIME TRIAL)
Much like the sprinters / pure climbers, I don’t fare well on TT stages. I would start out firing all cylinders, fizzle out in the middle and scrapping the bottom of the barrel with my bare teeth to finish line.
Fully aware of my unreliability, I lovingly invited the missus to catch this stage with me. Her response, “but time trial is so boring” – flatly denied. I have no comeback for that, she has a point. Even with Bridie trying her utmost to spruce up a TT stage explaining how strong Ben O’Connor’s pedal is. No amount of freshly brewed panda tea was enough to fight the premature burn outs. I still managed to reduce into a light slumber completely missing the mid-pack riders and waking to greens on all time checks for Van Aert.
STAGE TWENTY ONE
SUNDAY 18/07, 11:30pm AEST
CHATOU → PARIS CHAMPS-ÉLYSÉES
108.4KM (FLAT)
For a stage immersed with more traditions than racing, I am pumped. No not for that Champs-Élysées glory. Pumped that I no longer have to make those tough morning decisions between feigning a deaf ear to my son’s wailing next door for room service and me dragging my compromised body off bed before it was due the deserved wakeup call. 6.30am is considered a sleep in, 4.30am is just him taking the piss. There’s only this much my aging body can take.
Can you imagine the pain Wout Poels had to endure for the next 4 hours wearing a jersey that he knew he could not take home and relish, only on behalf – yet another victim to traditions.
Colnago might have bucked the trend with a bike lacking in full high-vis fluoro tint but UAE marketing pounced and salvaged, slipping on one yellow (Maillot Jaune) and one white (Maillot Blanc) shoe for Pogacar – something not even mighty Ineos thought of for Bernal. Usually the highly coordinated affair to deliver a freshly painted TdF winning bike cross borders within 24 hours is newsworthy by its own merits and you’d think Ernesto with the same buffer enjoyed by Pogacar since Stage 19, could have gone harder on the ‘traditions’ from a traditional brand.
As fate has it, I readied a unicorn fairy tale piece for Cav but Van Aert tore into a page for the Belgium history books with a trifecta of his tour. Merckx still had the last laugh.
I swear I could hear Alex’s roar from 726km away – tell me you couldn’t hear it looking at these faces.
So concludes our first ever Journal de Nuit, taking in the sights, sounds and hot takes from professional bike races held on the other side of the world. Give us some time to catch up on sleep and maybe we’ll get around to revisiting the series in the future.
Bonne nuit!