TDU 2020 STAGE 6: WILLUNGA AS AN AUCTION
Hear us out: what if, instead of a bike race, the final stage of the Tour Down Under was an auction?
It was a big day in the Onkaparinga LGA. The sun wasn’t out just yet, but the weather was pleasantly warm, and crowds of local big shots and international buyers descended on the main strip of McLaren Vale for what was due to be a bumper day. Flanked by scores of curious locals eager to see who would be etching their name into the history books of the region, there was a real buzz as the morning built with the aroma of barbecued breakfasts.
I: MCLAREN VALE
After an action-packed lead up to the big day – a Super-Sunday if you will – there were still an enormous number of registered bidders, though there were just a few key players considered realistic chances of coming out on top after the upcoming frenzy. The past week had been one of attrition, with pre-approvals surprising some, rejections disappointing others, while some were only too happy to take advantage of existing Liberal-party implemented loopholes that gave them an upper hand on their opponents.
Before the registered agents and associated officials kicked off proceedings, registered bidders needed to officially sign themselves on such was the popularity of this Super-Sunday. In and outside of what those in the industry call “the bullpen” donations towards the bushfire recovery efforts of local communities in South Australia were collected, the crowds only too happy to contribute.
Just as auctioneer Dave McKenzie provided one last run through the prize on offer and moments before events were about to unfold, a number of notable registered bidders were spotted discussing strategies, or keeping cool behind the shades of reflective glasses. Young German buyer Max Kanter, flown in just for a series of auctions over the Australian summer discussed strategies with an associate before things kicked off proper, while communications from a potential co-investor, or even a family member also came in via radio or perhaps a WhatsApp call. While young he’d already acquired a number of German manufacturing businesses, putting their resources to good use on the way to capturing two U23 National Titles in his home country.
Lurking amongst the crowds was the wiley Connor of Hikari Media. Either trapped in a post-downball daze of Sunday morning, or flexing on everyone with the success of his new venture we weren’t quite sure, but a Chesire grin was giving a fair bit away. Would he come out all guns blazing, or was that smirk nothing but a front? Only the pit of his stomach knew the truth, we’d have to wait for things to kick off before we found out.
Amongst all the excitement were the cool, very calm and collected faces of a few youngsters looking to take advantage of the first home owners grant and get a foot on the property ladder while they were still repping Uni SA. Not only would a win today propel them forward in the financial-security stakes, but it would also no doubt land them lucrative positions co-authoring columns in various real estate publications alongside notable dickhead Tim Gurner.
And finally…positioned towards the rear was local mogul and former union heartthrob – Durbo. Hidden behind some enormous reflective glasses and the safety net of a guaranteed and lucrative contract at the Western Force should he decide to step away from professional cycling, you’d think he was covering up the effects of a big night out on Hindley St. That wouldn’t be the case. While he was watching on from the sidelines, there was a much more serious role for him today, keeping an eye on the opposition while his associate – considered a thereabouts favourite to come out on top come days end – looked to push things further beyond the estimated auction price.
Local agent and auctioneer Dave McKenzie called all to the fore, registered bidders gathered at the front of things as the clock ticked down towards the start of the auction. A welcome to country by the local custodians, and a few key details about was on offer was passed on by the experienced director Mike Turtur – overseeing his last ever Super Sunday.
II: HOME GRAIN INTERMISSION
Things kicked off with a bit of a lull. Initially nobody was offering opening bids, keeping their cards close to their chest. Time to consult with the vendor. This allowed plenty of time for locals to continue on with their barbecued breakfast, or head a little way down the road for something sweeter and baked.
Well worth a check whether you’re riding or driving down for future auctions in the area during late-January, Home Grain Bakery aces the coffee game too, as seen in our Love Letter to Iced Latte’s. Vegan friendly too, damn.
III: THE LEAD IN
By now – 820 words in – you’re probably wondering what the shit we’re talking about. The property in question was the Ochre Jersey, the registered bidders that were at the business end of things were notable names like Richie Porte, Daryl Impey, property owners already in their own right but no doubt hungry for more, as professional property owners are.
Our predictions were, once the agents returned from seeking advice from the vendor – that things would remain pretty calm. Perhaps the auctioneer would invite bidding to open well below the reserve to try and add spice to the early exchanges. This, coupled with a calm breeze and a last chance to vie for glory perhaps too much from some to pass up.
Either way, we predicted that once bids were laid down on the table we were expecting fireworks, particularly during those tense few moments before “the calls” came in to play. The market had been volatile all week long, but we were comfortably positioned along a long, straight stretch of road where we deemed the best place to witness the winning bid.
IV: ON THE MARKET
To our amazement, right as we were about to hoof into some freshly fried veggie burgers – the auctioneer and his fellow agents returned. Registered bidders awoke from their slumber to the news the property was on the market, bidding was about to open, and indeed there would be a victor come the end of the day.
A few unlikely bidders opened proceedings in a fiery opening exchange. They weren’t predicted to hold out, but in such a volatile market, it would be anybodies guess. The main players stuck to the back, hiding behind their blackened lenses, occasionally making calls to third parties, projecting hand signals, nods and tilts of heads sent to their associates amongst the crowds.
FIRST CALL
The first call came earlier than expected, tense moments following. A flurry of registered bidders had sent the auctioneer reaching for a bottle of Mount Franklin to keep the whistle wet, as they broke away from the others. Just as the auctioneer began ringing through for second call, the big players gave it a bit of a push and started increasing the tempo, and it was all up for grabs again.
SECOND CALL
That initial show of force from the big guns didn’t do what they probably expected it to do. The young’n’s and minnows up front weren’t scared off one bit – if anything it strengthened their resolve. While moving clear of the others, they worked together in placing bids of a second here, ten seconds there. The first real test was coming a little bit up the road, but they seemed ready, the big dogs weren’t showing the bite they were known for.
THIRD, AND FINAL CALL…
The bidding turned meteoric as we followed along on the livestream, getting a play by play from the auctioneers – speaking in perfect Froome-like cadence, and close up footage of the big players faces. Those big name buyers weren’t seeming too fussed, but the way things looked the front group were calling their bluff. Any time your Richie Porte’s or your Daryl Impey’s lay some money down on the table by way of a couple of seconds, they were counter-bid right back.
It meant a new strategy had to be laid out. A known associate, a member of Danish royal family came to the fore, sucker punching the young upstarts with a few 5 second bids in quick succession. He continued to turn the screws using that regal money, but just as it looked as though the work had been done and all the small bidders were out of the game, they threw one last Hail Mary to the auctioneer.
We all held our collective breath around the iPhone with the livestream of the auction. The auctioneers were screaming out for more bids on the third and final call. It was going, going, going. Then bang, just as the hand dropped towards the newspaper for a congratulatory clap, Richie jumped out of the gates.
This wasn’t just a go-for-broke bid of a couple of seconds, this was him dropping 5’s and 10’s one after another. Men threw their wallets to the ground, old ladies did spit takes, phones were hung up. Nobody else was left bidding but that didn’t stop Richie as he ensured there would be daylight between him, the market value, and all the other bidders. Only once he was happy with how things looked did he sit up and let one of the younger guys take the win at auction – Matthew Holmes – one for the Yung Millenials. Take that Gurner.