SHREDDING OL’ DIRTY 2019
We listened to way too much glam rock, burnt through plenty of hairspray and turned it up to 11 at the 2019 Ol Dirty.
For the fifth year running we took on arguably the finest gravel ride in the country – the Hells 500 Ol Dirty. 2019 also marked our third straight involvement in the day, curating the official event playlist and bringing the hype the morning of, not that an event like this needs any further hyping. It’s a day of immense fun, of both the type 1 and type 2 varieties, and once again we had a big crew to experience the fun together.
Enjoy our recap of the day through 4 electric minutes of video, an epic piece worthy of a day time Emmy, arranged in 3 iconic acts, filmed on location throughout the day. As for the longer recap of the 2019 Ol Dirty? Well that started a month before the very special day.
ROUTE: 2019 HELLS 500 OL DIRTY
Distance: 62.2km / Elevation Gain: +1361m
I: CRESCENDOING FEEDBACK AS INTRO TRACK
We arranged a 1pm meet up at Tom’s Coffee over in Collingwood. Miraculously a handful of us were all available, not shackled by work responsibilities. For Kip, Nick and Adrian it would be a return to the Yarra Trails after a little bit of a hiatus. For Daniel it would be a chance to jump aboard his Curve Kevin for some off-road practice, Joe coming along on a vintage Rockhopper to make the most of the afternoon. The recent addition of meatballs at Tom’s filled our stomachs, and we caffeinated heavily, in hindsight probably a bad idea as the late winter sun was packing a bit of a punch.
For Daniel and Joe, this would be as much of an Ol Dirty teaser as we could offer without shipping the boys out to Warburton itself. Daniel had spent most of the winter out injured, a debut season with the Soup Bæs CX team jeopardised by a problem achilles. Joe had been burning around on his Rockhopper for a while now, but wanted to get some proper trails and gravel experience in before Ol Dirty, and an eventual move to New Zealand in 2020.
Guided by the more experienced heads in the pack, we took on a few hours of Yarra Trails in the sun, tipping our bikes in, toppling ourselves over between Clifton Hill, the Fairfield Boat House, the Teardrop, then finally Bruce’s Loop and Westerfolds Park. CX season had wrapped itself up in the pouring rain, leaving us thirsty for more, and despite the contrasting climate we found ourselves in for the afternoon, it did well to satiate the cravings.
As with most trail sessions, things wrapped up out the front of 7Eleven on Heidelberg Road for cold drinks and chocolate – in this case the sponsorship correct Solo: The Thirst Crusher.
In a few instances we had put Joe and Daniel to the sword somewhat, no just in terms of pace, but by taking a few of the more techy detours as far as Yarra Trails could offer. At the end of the day we deemed that they had passed with flying colours, and were quite sure they’d not just manage on Ol Dirty day, but have plenty of fun in the process.
II: NO MORE BAND PRACTICE
It was a fresh but sunny morning out in Warburton, and we basked in that morning light just by the front door of Kip’s family cottage. From our vantage point on the side of the valley would could peer across the rooftops of Warburton and towards Mount Donna and our playground for the day. All the while Kip was on the phone, keeping track of his stocks, ensuring that Bob indeed transferred required funds to Geneva, not Helsinki.
Bikes were getting prepped, legs limbered up and snacks packed into bar and top tube bags – soon it would be time to hit the stage. Just like the rockstars of yesteryear some smoked up before departure, neighbours chimneys dropping a subtle haze and blanketing the surrounding area.
III: POWERSTRYDE
LISTEN TO THE OFFICIAL OL' DIRTY PLAYLIST CURATED BY US HERE.
The Ol Dirty was turning 9 years old in 2019, meaning that up to that morning, there had been 8 different themes for the days festivities. We had experienced the boot camp, the Coney Island dream, the baseball squad and Room 420. Turning it up to eleven, and to celebrate the 9th edition of the Ol Dirty, Hells 500 Overlord AVB had conjured up a glam metal themed extravaganza positioned in the centre of Warburton, emerging from a haze of hair spray, cigarette smoke, face melting, super electronic guitar solo’s and liquor.
Arriving at the start line we found the familiar scenes of years gone by. Mechanics offering last minute tune ups to bikes, a few select brands with their wares on display, coffee and catch ups with friends, rival gang members and faces that haven’t been seen in a while. What made this year’s start line village different was four guys named Powerstryde.
If you were to put on a glam rock themed cycling event, and wanted to get the crowd amped for the days riding, well shipping a band so dedicated to the genre they came out to play a 10am, hour long set would be the way to do it. They belted out some of the most loved, most eyebrow raising hits, bringing the crowd participation to the max, only to be interrupted by AVB – arriving on a motorbike and telling us all it was time to go ride some fucking bikes.
IV: A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY
And that ride began relatively innocently along a combination of bike path, riverside single track and local streets. Given that there was 1000 other cyclists out on course, things were off and running at a snails pace, but that would soon change with our first major turn off.
From the innocent and joyous start along the gradually downward sloping road we turned right and almost instantly skyward. For a few kilometres we maintained our trajectory, tarmac slowly turning to gravel, then to a maze where riders still stomping pedals needed to duck and weave around stationery cyclists, those walking, and local wheelie bins out for collection. Eventually things levelled out as signage signalled our arrival onto the aqueduct trail, a long, winding and super scenic track that wrapped itself around Mount Donna Buang like a halo. We snacked as we waited in the queue, then regrouped and jumped back on the bikes to cruise around the lower slopes of the mountain.
AND THEN WE CAME ACROSS RON!
He was fresh back from his year long trip around Europe, aboard an e-bike and arguably the most unsuitable pair of shoes for the Ol Dirty – a pair of converse’s. Any footwear handicaps he imposed on himself cancelled out for a second straight year on a bike with a bonus 250 watts. He joined our crew for the rest of the ride along the aqueduct trail, there to experience Kip’s random crash on flat ground, then Nick’s crash on the same kind of terrain.
It was just as the road started to head downwards and progressively less and less like a trail that we came across our lordship and his bowl of forbidden fruit (minties). Were we tempted by the potential bumps of peppermint HP? Yes, the stimulation they provided making our time on the photogenic Cannondale Couch all the more exciting. That was everyone except for Kip, who wasn’t having any of what AVB was putting down.
V: FINDING OUR ZEN
Shortly after our hot minute on the Cannondale Couch came to a close, things tipped further and further downhill. The trail narrowed, then opened up into a clearing and onto wider gravel boulevards just begging to be torn up by fat tyres, Benno happy to oblige.
A moment by the babbling brook that formerly fed the aqueduct trail we followed allowed us a moment to snack, stretch, adjust attire and reflect upon the first third of the days riding.
INHALE, EXHALE…”AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
VI: THE TWO WAYS TO DROP IN
After our lunch stop, it was a gentle gravel climb that took us across to the other side of the valley Warburton is nestled amongst. The descent that followed dropped you at a fork in the road, with Option A being a turn to the left and some dense single track, Option B a turn to the right and a shortcut back into town. Joe, one of only 2 of us aboard a mountain bike couldn’t follow Benno so freely down into the neatherealm of forest-y single track, despite all his practice on the Yarra Trails. Then again, not many of us can, but we followed with caution into the depths of the forest along what was signposted as a walking track.
VII: THERE IT FUCKING IS
Finally, the stitch up had arrived. The day so far had been quite relaxed when compared to Ol’ Dirty’s of years gone by, and it was this that arguably threw us into a false sense of security. We had been riding for a handful of hours, totally forgetting that the man who was the organiser of the day wrote the book on 2-wheeled stitch ups, and now, with 20km to go until we were back in town, that stitch up had arrived.
If we were boarding a 6pm Vline out of Melbourne, well we would feel at home. Instead we were on bikes, riding our way up a mountain along a road covered in fist sized bluestones, only occasional muddy lines guiding us around each bend. It was long, it was steep, bumpy and sapping.
For toiling our way to the top, the reward at the summit was a widening and smoothing of the road, followed by the same hair raising descent we took on our first ever Ol Dirty. Even with a dropped chain it took minimal effort to be resting easy on 65kmph, slamming brakes on as you arrived at a hairpin turn at the bottom. What followed was a choice, either a tarmac route back into Warburton, or some single track that took the highline for the most part, dropping back onto the tarmac as you started to get back into town proper.
That reward was soon quashed as we took our final turn for home, the driveway back up to Kip’s family cottage. Gradients that put Mount Baw Baw to shame greet you and follow you all the way to the front door, tarmac becoming a little sketchy in parts, leading many to walk. Back in the warmth of the cottage we derobed, cleaned bikes, and sussed what McDonalds would be along our route home to the western side of Melbourne.
Next year will be 10 years of the Ol Dirty. We know we’ll be there. Join us.